AND SO THE wolf had a great plan.
        (At least it was probably the wolf because the penguin wasn't really the type of penguin who would act out malignant plans.  He might have thought about malignant plans.  But as far as acting on them, probably not.)
        The plan was evil, and mean, and duplicitous.  It was a plan to get rid of the ostrich.
        Now, remember through all this that the ostrich-- at this point of his life-- really was a power-tripping jerk.  He domineered the store, made everyone do his work for him, refused to look after customers, put everybody down for eating meat (he was a vegan ostrich-- at this point in time, anyway-- before his veganism started killing him), hogged the stereo, played atrocious music, made fun of his fellow coworkers, and so on.  He wasn't a very nice ostrich.
        But, still....

SO THE WOLF and the penguin went to see Charlie.  They teamed up to form a solid front.  This is because the penguin had worked at Charlie's for so long, he had a kind of authority and sincerity about him-- as far as store-related stuff went, anyway-- and the wolf needed backup-- because without the penguin the wolf would be acting alone and Charlie wouldn't believe him.
        And so the wolf and the penguin told Charlie that the ostrich was driving everyone crazy, that the ostrich was making work utterly unbearable.  That the ostrich domineered the store, made everyone do his work for him, refused to look after customers, put everybody down for eating meat, hogged the stereo, played atrocious music, made fun of his fellow coworkers, and so on.  And the wolf whined and whined and whined, and the penguin backed him up because the penguin hated the ostrich, too.  And, the newest members of the Charlie's family hated the ostrich, as well.  And, in fact, Charlie was also starting to get a little tired of the ostrich's crap, too.
        (Ed, at this point in time was working with the mouse, and Dave-- and of course the crow.  Ed was very glad to get away from the ostrich.)
        And so, after much whining from the wolf, and backing-up from the penguin, Charlie decided on a brief short-term solution:
        As an experiment, Charlie would switch things: he would move the ostrich down to the bigger Charlie's store, and then move the mouse up to the big Charlie's store.
        The mouse, at that time not suspecting something fishy, and also understanding that the ostrich could be a royal pain in the ass, said okay.

FOR A WHILE it was sort of fun for the mouse to be working with the wolf and the penguin.  The ostrich was gone and everyone was having a good time.
        Also, even though the mouse hadn't worked much with the ostrich, he had still found the ostrich to be annoying, and it was kind of nice to see him get put in his place.
        And the wolf was happy and joked all the time, so did the penguin.
        There was no real "manager" as such directing the store, so everyone was free just to be themselves.
        Everyone could play whatever they wanted to on the stereo, and for the first time in a very long while music that customers actually liked was played at the big Charlie's store.
        And, remember, because the mouse was at the big Charlie's store, the crow was out of the mouse's life.  More or less.  There was still the telephone.
        It wasn't really a party, working at the big Charlie's store, but it was so relaxed and happy-- for a while, anyway-- it may as well have been.
        And, the mouse was quite happy.
        For a while, anyway.

HOWEVER, SOON THE time came for the ostrich to be transferred back to the big Charlie's store.  Remember, the move was only supposed to be temporary.  It was just supposed to let everyone cool off.
        The wolf didn't like this one bit, and neither did the penguin.
        So, the wolf and the penguin went to see Charlie, again.  Again, the wolf and the penguin told Charlie that working with the ostrich was horrible, awful, an insane ordeal, etc. etc.  And in case Charlie hadn't noticed the ostrich hadn't changed one bit during his stint in the bigger Charlie's store.
        Also, the wolf said to Charlie that both the DJs hated the ostrich so much they were going to quit if the ostrich came back.  The wolf also told Charlie about some other stuff.
        Charlie said he'd think about it.
        Then, the next day, the wolf told the mouse that the DJs were going to quit.  And the wolf told the mouse that there was no way the ostrich was going to be coming back to work at the big Charlie's store.
        "Why?," asked the little white mouse.
        "Because," said the wolf, "that is simply unacceptable.  And besides, Charlie has already decided that the ostrich isn't gonna be coming back up here."
        "Oh."
        "Yeah, oh.  He wants you to stay up here."
        Now, the mouse sorta liked it at the big Charlie's store, but he didn't like it that much.  Small doses of the big Charlie's store went a long way.
        "But I don't want to stay up here," said the mouse.
        "Fine," said the wolf.  "Fine, fine, fine.  You can go back downtown if you want.  After all, Charlie told me he's giving you the option.  You can stay here or go back.  But, I'll tell you one thing, the ostrich is not coming back up here.  Under any circumstances.  The ostrich has two options-- Charlie said this-- either he stays downtown or he's fired."
        "Oh," said the mouse.
        "So, if you go back downtown, he'll be let go.  But if you stay up here, he'll have a job.  It's all up to you."
        The mouse thought for a minute.
        "And," said the wolf, "remember, even if the ostrich does come back up here-- the DJs will quit."
        "Oh.  Yeah."
        "So, it's all up to you."
        Of course, none of this was true.
        But the mouse didn't know it at the time.

SO THE MOUSE found himself in a quandary, a pickle, a complex perplexion:
        He wanted to go back downtown, to the other store, but....
        He believed that if he went back downtown, the ostrich would be fired.
        Now, the ostrich wasn't his favorite Charlie's employee-- not by a long shot-- but still, the mouse didn't want to see him get fired.  Or, more realistically, the mouse didn't want it to be his fault that the ostrich would get fired.
        So, the mouse sat and thought for a long time.
        His little mouse head began to hurt.
        His little mouse lungs began to hyperventilate.

AND THE WOLF and the penguin watched the little mouse's apoplexy and smiled.
        They knew their plan was working.

AND WHILE ALL this was going on, the Eagle was also watching.

THE MOUSE THOUGHT for a long time, and the wolf and the penguin kept reminding him that it was all up to him-- but just remember that the ostrich is not ever coming back up to the big Charlie's store, ever.  And the DJs also kept telling the mouse that it was up to him and that the ostrich just wasn't wanted.  But it was hard to say exactly what the DJs were really talking about the because the wolf and the penguin were probably manipulating them, too.
        And so when the time came, the mouse told Charlie he'd rather stay up at the big Charlie's store.  And so that meant that the ostrich could stay down at the bigger Charlie's store, the place the mouse really wanted to be.
        And so Charlie said okay.
        And the ostrich drooped.
        And Charlie said that the wolf and the penguin were now the managers of the big Charlie's store.
        And the wolf and the penguin cackled to themselves.

THE WOLF AND the penguin were now free of the ostrich.  And the ostrich went to work at the bigger Charlie's store for good.  The only problem is that the crow was still the manager of the bigger Charlie's store.  So, the ostrich had to work as the Crow's subordinate.  What that meant was, the ostrich now had to ring up sales like all the other till-jockeys, and that the ostrich no longer had any power.

AND, AS FOR the wolf:
        "Ho ho," said the wolf as he strutted around, "I am the manager!  I am so great!"  And then he picked up a baseball bat and a calculator and, as his very first act as manager, batted the calculator into a bank of fluorescent lights.
        The lights exploded.
        The wolf turned pale, and spent the rest of the day cleaning up broken glass.

AND THEN THE the ostrich began having a nervous breakdown.  He'd never been demoted in this way and it kind of scrambled his circuits.  He also started eating meat again, because his veganism was making him die.

AND SO THE mouse started a new life working under the wolf and the penguin.  Before long, he grew to hate it.  Also, the DJs started hating the wolf and the penguin, too.  This was because the wolf and the penguin were actually terrible managers.
        The wolf thought he was macho and liked taking his shirt off in public.  He also liked showing people his knife.
        He never really had any ideas or direction.  He just liked strutting and round, and prowling and growling.
        The penguin was just sort of ineffectual and followed the wolf's lead, but he was seething with hatred in his own right.  he looked like he wanted to kill the world, all the time.  And he would glare at people, and then titter nervously to himself.
        And the workload at the big Charlie's store was actually a thousand times worse than the workload at the bigger store.  That's because the big store was higher profile.  And so, the days there were grueling.  And, of course the pay was still the same small amount it always was.
        Except for the wolf and the penguin.  They got more money because they were mangers, now.

ONE DAY THE mouse was talking to one of the DJs.  The DJ was complaining about the wolf.  And then the mouse said:
        "I know.  If I'd known he would have been this bad I would have gone back downtown.  But I didn't want to see the ostrich get fired.  And, besides, I knew if the ostrich came back up here you guys would quit."
        "What do you mean," the DJ said.  "We never said we'd quit."
        And then it hit the mouse:
        He'd been set up.

THE NEXT DAY, the mouse, by asking very subtle questions, found out from Charlie that Charlie'd never had any intention of firing the ostrich.  If the mouse had wanted to go back downtown, the ostrich would have simply been sent back uptown, and everyone could like it or lump it.
        The mouse burned red with rage.
        Charlie looked puzzled.

AND, OF COURSE the Eagle watched all this with a kind of distant amusement.

AROUND THIS TIME, the mouse's mind began to break down.  He also started getting very physically ill.  And the world seemed to close in around him, and suffocate him.  And he was tired, and angry.  And nothing mattered.  And no one would ever say "hooray for the little white mouse."  And he knew deep down inside that he was alone.  And the world was a bitter and empty joke.  And, at night he would walk alone, pretending the stars above him were going out, one by one.

AND THEN THE little white mouse decided enough was enough.  Coughing and wheezing, hacking up blood and bits of meat, he decided to quit his job at Charlie's
        So he met with Charlie and the crow, and outlined all the reasons he was quitting.  They all had to do with how he'd been manipulated by the wolf and the penguin.
        Charlie was shocked.
        "And that's why I'm giving my two weeks," the little white mouse said, coughing and shaking.  "It has nothing to do with you, but I just can't take it here any more."
        "Okay," said Charlie.
        The crow stared.
        "Just do me a favour," the little white mouse said.  "Don't tell the wolf or the penguin."
        "Why?" Charlie asked.
        "If they found out I was quitting," said the mouse, "they'd make the next two weeks hell."
        "Okay," said Charlie.
        "Okay," said the crow.
        The mouse coughed for a very long time.

FOR A LITTLE while, everything was fine.  The mouse's last two weeks were going smoothly.  The wolf and the penguin suspected nothing.
        And the mouse grew sicker and sicker.
        Winter was coming, and he wanted to shake his cough before snow fell.
        And no one knew the little white mouse was quitting.  Only Charlie and the crow.
        And a few days later, the crow secretly found a replacement.
        But, one day, the guy who was replacing the mouse spilled the beans.
        Someone asked him who he was and why he was poking around the store so much, and he told them.
        And word spread like wildfire.

AND SO FOR the last week of the mouse's job in the "real" world, the wolf refused to speak to the mouse.  In fact, the wolf talked to almost no one.
        This suited the mouse just fine.
        The penguin still talked to the mouse, though.
        And, the mouse just sat and shivered and tried not to black out.

THE THING IS, when the wolf found out that he hadn't been told the little white mouse was quitting, he flew into a rage.
        And, in the throws of his rage, he phoned Charlie.  And then he began to yell at Charlie.
        The wolf was yelling at Charlie because the mouse had gone over his (the wolf's) head.  He was upset that he had not been told by the mouse that the mouse was quitting.
        And this made the wolf mad.
        And so he yelled and yelled and yelled.
        Eventually, Charlie yelled back.
        The mouse never did find out if the wolf was fired, or just plain quit.  But, the fact is, the wolf was gone very shortly after the mouse left.

THE THING IS, the mouse knew that the wolf would get upset if he wasn't told about the mouse's quitting.  The mouse knew the wolf would phone Charlie and lose his temper.
        The mouse had seen the wolf's type lots of times before.
        The problem was, the wolf believed he had something called "pride."  In the wolf's case, this "pride" manifested itself as a very singular kind of empty-headed arrogance that told the wolf over and over that he was the centre of the universe, that wherever he was, that was the centre of the world.
        And so, being a manager at the big Charlie's store, the wolf felt like he should have been told about the mouse's exit.  But he wasn't.  This hurt the wolf's "pride" and made him face up to the fact that he really wasn't at the centre of the world.  In fact, there were a lot more people more powerful than him, all around him, every day.
        The mouse wasn't sure the wolf would end up jobless, but the mouse had a pretty good suspicion something like that would happen.  Either that or the wolf would end up demoted from manager back to till-jockey.
        But the mouse knew something would happen.
        So, the long and the short of it is: the mouse had been set up by the wolf, and so the mouse set the wolf up in return.
        And it paid off.
        It was the mouse's going away present to the wolf.

AND THE MORAL of this story?
        Nobody fucks with the little white mouse.

To be continued.
 

Next:  Shamelessly stealing and updating an idea from David Byrne....