-- She what? who...?
                    -- William Gaddis, JR.

-- Savages.  They kill everyone who wants to do good.  Look what they did to that poor girl.
-- Who?
-- What's her name.  That girl.  That American.  She was captured.  That girl.
-- They said she wasn't.  That's my coffee.
-- What?
-- That's my coffee, dear.
-- Oh.
-- Not captured.  They said it was all an accident.
-- Who?  What's her name.
-- That girl you said.  She wasn't captured.  Her truck rolled over and they looked after her.  And then when they tried to return her they were shot at.
-- Who said?
-- It was on the news.
-- The girl?  She was?
-- She hasn't said anything.  They've been keeping her quiet.  Honest to God, they were looking after her and then when they tried to return her the American soldier were the ones who were shooting at her, and they had to take her back.
-- But they said she was captured.
-- They lied.  She was safe and they Americans shot at her when they tried to return her.
-- But all that that they showed when they rescued her.  All the soldiers coming bursting in.
-- Probably staged.
-- But they said she was a hero, they had it on the news.  Lynch that's her name.  Something Lynch.
-- They staged it.  They stage a lot of things.  Change them.
-- Unreal.  I have to tell Carl.
-- They change a lot.  They do a lot.
-- Carl probably won't believe me.  He never believes me.
 

-- Dey won't give me nuttin', eh?  I've got t'ree kids and dey won't give me nuttin.  If I got more kids mebby dey'd give me sumptin but dey won't give me nuttin with on'y t'ree kids, eh?
 

-- Fuck it's fucked, my mouth is all dry.
-- Here.
-- Last night that was awesome.
-- The bass, it just hit you, like, like it was wicked.
-- Laura was there.  She asked about you.
-- She did?  Shiiiit.
 

-- Excuse me, sir?  But do you have a smoke?
-- No, sorry.
-- Sorry to've bothered you, sir.
 

-- But people for whom the world is a party where they're elated all the time, or an unending pit of gothic morbidity, people for whom there is no sense of perspective-- things are either the best in the world or the worst or the most disturbing-- those people are mentally ill.
 

-- Gonna this weekend, gonna score some weed, get me some beer just get fucked, me and Sandra.
-- Sandra now.
-- Yeah it's a commitment thing, she don't want no commitments and I don't want no commitments I mean fuck not like John and his kid, don't want none a that.
-- Yeah getting stuck with the kid like that.
-- That's what happens.  Always fuckin happens.  You get stuck with the fuckin kid.  That's why no commitments, just weed and beer and Sandra, I don't feel sorry for John.
-- I dunno I mean she was like a junkie or something I mean you don't really want to wish that on nobody, having a kid with a fuckin junkie and then she fuckin runs off.
-- It's fuckin nuts, the world's nuts.  He shoulda just given up the kid like to adoption, I wouldn't want no kid, Christ.
-- He's got pride.  Responsibility.
-- Fuck that.  Give me a roof to work on and a chick to bang and a joint.
-- Some people want more.
-- Fuck John don't want more he just got stuck, I ain't seen him in a year.  He used ta be fuckin everywhere now he's nowhere.
 

-- Cancun.
-- No!
-- Yeah!
-- Awesome!
-- Yeah!
-- So you taking him?
-- Duh, yeah!
-- You're so lucky.
-- Just bought a ticket.  I said you should've bought a ticket.  You could've won.
-- I never win anything.
 

-- You bought Hot Hot Heat?  They're totally gay!
-- Screw you!  They're cool!
 

-- Excuse me, m'am?  But do you have any spare change?
-- No, sorry.
-- Sorry to've bothered you, m'am.
 

-- He hit a patch of gravel and he wrapped his car around a tree.
-- Oh my God!  Was he hurt?
-- Just banged up.
-- He's lucky.
-- He was driving really, really fast.
-- Was he drunk?
-- What do you think?
-- He's a teacher.  He should set an example.
-- He was a teacher.  Not any more.  Not for a few months, anyway.  And, yeah, he is setting an example.
 

--D'problum is dey don' have Jesus, eh?  Dey should get Jesus, eh?  If dey had Jesus den dere'd be no problums, eh?  Giv'm some Jesus.  Jesus'll fuckin straiten dem out....
 

-- Those shoes?  She wore those shoes?  That's so lame.
 

-- When you've got an economic situation like they have over there, a little bit of aid won't do anything.  They need more than just a little aid.  They need to be able to fix it themselves.
-- Or they need to have a lot more aid.  The trick is to encourage a middle class.  If there was a middle class then overpopulation wouldn't be so rampant.
-- Maybe, but the upper caste doesn't want a middle class.  They want to keep everything to themselves.  That's why extra aid, or an excess of aid won't do any good.  More aid just means more cash goes into the pockets of the dictators.
-- True, but if there was some way to get the aid into the hands of the people.
-- That would require a distribution system larger and better than anything red Cross has.  But, also, if there was something like that it wouldn't be let into the country anyway.
-- The military could....
-- But the military won't.  They're more in the peacekeeping business, or more honestly, the invasion business.  Any "good" they do, they do after the fact-- after the country has been invaded and resistance has been subdued.  And even then, usually, after that point they just leave.
-- I guess, but couldn't you order them to hand out care packages.  I mean more than they already do.  And money, too.
-- If they handed out cash there'd be riots and besides it'd just get stolen.  Also they're not going to be interested in doing anything like that large-scale because that's not what they're designed to do.  They operate planes and tanks first and foremost.  And if you actually heard how they talk about the people they're liberating when the cameras aren't on them... well, if you heard that you'd have a different feeling about letting the military use its power to try and establish any sort of middle class in any third-world country.
 

-- Mom?
-- Not right now.
-- But it's Grand Theft Auto!
 

-- Oh my GHODDD!  What are YOU doing HERE?
-- AAAAAAAAHHH!  I don't BELIEVE this!  MYGOD!  It's been AGES!!!
-- I know, I KNOW!  How are the KIDS?
 

-- Just wanna... if I get my hands on him... just....
 

-- Heard it's going to rain.
-- Yup.  That's what they said.
-- Yep.
-- Yep.  Rain.
-- Uh huh.
-- Yup.
-- Be good for the farmers.
-- What's that?
-- It'll be good for the farmers!
-- Oh, oh.  Yep.  Be good for 'em all right.
-- Yes sir.  Be good for 'round here, too.
-- Oh yeah.  Wash up the streets.
-- Yep.
-- Yup.
-- Make the gardens grow.
-- Yeah.  Do somethin' for all this heat, too.
-- Yup.  The heat.  The heat's somethin'.
-- Yeah, it's somethin' awright.
-- Scorcher.
-- What's that?
-- Said it's a scorcher.
-- Oh, oh.  Yep, that it is.  That it is.  But the kids like it.
-- Yep.
-- Uh huh.
-- Glad we have air, though.
-- Oh, oh.  Yeah.  That's right.
-- But we do need the rain.
-- What?
-- The rain.
-- Oh, yeah.  Yeah.  That's what they said.
-- Yep.
-- Yup.  What they said.
 

-- So he said gimme your saddle so I gave him my saddle said gimme that and I gave him my saddle it was my saddle not his saddle said gimme and I gave him my saddle you do that you give him your saddle gave him my saddle like the good book says do unto others so I gave him my saddle said gimme that he said and I gave him my saddle and I needed my saddle but he said gimme you saddle and I gave him my saddle like the Lord said to said gimme and I gave and he didn't even say thank you but that's not my business Lord said do unto others so he said gimme you saddle said give your saddle to me and I gave my saddle to him and he didn't even said gimme and he didn't even say thanks but but thanks but no thanks I could've said could said no but he said give your saddle give that saddle over there give that saddle to me and I gave him my saddle and he just walked away like the good book says do unto others says to be nice says to be kind to give but he said gimme and I gave him my saddle and no I'm not throwing stones but it was also the way he said it said give me gimme gimme gimme but no don't get me wrong he needed my saddle so I gave him my saddle but the way the way he asked he could've said please but no said gimme your saddle so I gave him I gave him like The Good Book says I did unto him I gave him my saddle so no one can fault me no one can fault me for that.
 

-- Excuse me.
        I looked up from my note-taking.  She looked like she was in her late 20s, had long dirty blonde hair, and wore a floral-print hippy dress.  She was very think and also had glasses.
        "Hello?" I said.
        "Are you Brian Cotts?" she said.
        "Uh, yeah," I said.
        "I see you taking notes in the mall sometimes," she said.  "I'm a friend of [DOESN'T WANT HIS NAME PRINTED IN *30*]."
        "Oh?"
        "I see you in here a lot, actually."
        "Well, I wander around.  Food courts in malls are good for voices."
        "You have a web page, don't you," she said.
        "Yeah.  That's what I take the notes for."
        "Well I think people who have web pages are cowards."
        I stared at her, stunned.
        "I just thought you'd like to know," she said.
        And she walked away, into the crowd.

Next:  Acts of cowardice....
 

Epilogue 48.
Epilogue 46.
INDEX.
HOME.