30.EPILOGUE.56: August 15, 2003.
"Bob and the Blackout."
Fear is the antidote to boredom: the remedy must be stronger
than the disease.
-- E. M. Cioran
This is a funny story:
One day, Bob was at work,
leaning on the counter, watching the news on the screens above him-- he
always turned the screens to either CNN, or MSNBC, or CBC when no one was
in the store-- and he was watching CBC when the power went out all along
the Eastern Seaboard.
"Holy crap," he said.
"The power's just gone out all along the Eastern Seaboard."
Actually, he hadn't really
been watching CBC. But he'd been on CBC moments after the
power had gone out all along the Eastern Seaboard. What he'd really
been doing was channel surfing, hoping to stumble onto more interviews
with George W. Bush.
Bob harbored a secret fetish.
He wanted George W. Bush to declare war on absolutely every country on
the planet. Friendly countries, unfriendly countries, it didn't matter.
Canada, Sweden, Australia, China, Pakistan, Iceland, you name it.
Every day, a new country. If this happened, Bob figured, it would
give him focus. Bob, not Bush. And with a sense of focus, also
a sense of brotherhood, a closeness with the rest of humanity, a feeling
of being one with the entire world. And so, maybe everyone could
get a chance to be at war with the USA. Enemies, allies, neutral
parties, why should it matter? The only thing that mattered was the
American war effort. It kept people focused, got them talking, gave
them a reason to be. Boys and girls met each other and got together,
now-- intersecting with each other through their mutual complaints about
the war. It was the great leveler. Common ground for everyone.
Anyway, Bob had been scanning
the channels, looking for cheap entertainment, and he'd stumbled onto a
CBC broadcast that looked very uncoordinated.
Confusion on the news always
got his attention. Confusion almost always meant entertainment.
He watched.
It was a breaking news story.
Apparently, the newscaster
said, the power had gone off in the Toronto Stock Exchange, and maybe somewhere
else, too. Definitely in the CBC building. And people were
looking into it.
Hm, Bob thought.
Then the newscaster said
the power was off in the Toronto Stock Exchange and the New York Stock
Exchange.
And then Bob felt cold.
And then he felt a small, giddy thrill.
Then, it turned out the
power was off all along the coast.
Bob picked up the phone,
called Heather.
He got some guy who sounded
like he had a head cold.
Bob asked to speak to Heather.
The guy said yeah yeah.
And then there was a long
wait. Bob could hear "Spinning Plates" by Radiohead playing softly
in the background.
Finally:
"Hello?"
"You hear? The power?"
"What?"
Bob told Heather what he'd
seen on tv.
"No way," she said.
"Is it terrorists?"
"That's what I'm thinking,
hoping, no not really hoping, but there's a kind of excitement in the air,"
he said, "generated by this event. Although it won't be terrorists."
"But if it was, they could
really take everything down. I mean if it's as bad as you say it
is, the most populous areas in maybe two countries are both shut down,
now."
"Yeah, but if it was terrorists,
they really don't have any reason to attack us. I think."
"You're talking about people
who strap bombs to themselves and blow up planes going 'AAYYIAAAA!!!'"
Bob winced and held the receiver away from his ear as Heather continued
with a hearty, "'ALALALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAA!'" And when she was
done, he continued listening. "They're not really all that sophisticated,
or bright."
"I guess," Bob said.
"You're expecting precision
thinking from undereducated religious fanatics and suicidal nut cases."
And then they talked about
some other stuff for a while.
And, as it turned out, it
wasn't a terrorist act after all. Just an accident that'd started
in a power plant in the USA, and then snowballed into Canada.
But that didn't stop the
tv news from trying to make the blackout seem like a "terror event."
They did this in a really
interesting way:
On every tv channel, the
news reinforced the idea that it wasn't terrorism, They said it again
and again. Don't worry. It wasn't terrorism that caused this
blackout. Not terrorism at all. Just an accident. So
keep calm. Everything is under control. Keep calm. There's
nothing to worry about. It wasn't terrorism. We're all safe.
Safe and fine. It's all going to be all right. No terrorism.
Nope. This isn't terrorism. And after a while, the fact that
the blackout wasn't the result of terrorism slowly became more frightening
than the possibility of a planned attack.
It wasn't terrorism, but
it was an even that generated terror. Sort of.
And the news shows were
filled with images: tons of people streaming out of office buildings into
the streets of New York. Darkened buildings, traffic jams.
And over and over again
the newscasters on all the channels kept reminding viewers that thousands,
if not hundreds of thousands of people were trapped in elevators in two
countries. But don't worry. Be calm. This isn't the act
of terrorists. Repeat, this isn't the act of terrorists. People
are trapped. It's hot outside. They could be suffocating.
But it's not terrorism.
And then a computer generated
logo came up. It read "Blackout '03." Or an equivalent thereof.
And dramatic music played. On all the channels.
And, on every channel there
were different batches of experts speculating about the cause of the blackout
and about the nature of the damage this blackout was causing to the economy.
And no one was sure if it
had started in the USA or Canada and so it was fun watching everyone in
the USA trying to blame Canada and everyone in Canada trying to blame it
on the USA. And even when it turned out it had started in the USA,
people still tried to blame Canada and that was funny, too.
And, as Bob stood watching
the televisions, the store slowly filled up with people. They would
walk by outside, and through the display windows they would see all the
tvs in the store, and then they see what was on the tvs, and then they
would come inside and watch the news.
And so all these people
were standing around the monitors that hung from the ceiling, and they
all watched the news.
Eventually, the mass of
people watching tv in the store itself caught the attention of people.
And then these people would come into the store and stare at the tvs without
even knowing what was on.
Even Bob's boss came in
and watched the news. And he didn't even care that the store was
filled with people watching the news instead of renting movies.
They all stared in awe at
the footage of all the people filling the streets of New York, all the
people walking home from work.
And there was a kind of
secret, generalized hope that the blackout had been caused by terrorism.
Bob wasn't the only one who felt this. They all did. But of
course none of them would admit it.
Terrorism was a secret word,
now. Bob imagined that in 200 years the words "terrorist" and "suicide
bomber" would replace the words "motherfucker" and "cunt" as the most offensive
words in the English language. If it took 200 years. And then
little kids would get sent home from school for calling their teachers
"terrorists," while calling them "cunts" would simply be viewed as a sign
of churlish affection.
And Bob knew why everyone
secretly wanted the blackout to be cased by terrorism-- and why, as the
day wore on, the fact that that the blackout hadn't been caused by terrorism
grew more and more disappointing. And also why, once the news people
realized that terrorism hadn't been involved, they strove to make a random,
harmless accident look like a greater act of malice than the coldly calculated
destruction of the World Trade Center.
Like him, all these people
secretly longed for apocalypse. They all felt cheated by the millennium
and they all wanted something to happen.
And the deaths of thousands
brings focus and community, and gives the people an enemy to rally against
and kill. And it always feels good when you're in a group, when you
move as one in a group-- especially a terrified, violent group. Because
both terror and violence feel good. Plain and simple. They
give focus and meaning to your life. Make every day feel special.
And the irrational hatred
and fear of Afghanis and Iraqis was getting boring, so it was time to either
move on, or find more irrational reasons to hate and fear Afghanis and
Iraqis-- or search out some other "evil" group to heap irrationality and
destruction upon. Someone else to persecute, to brutalize and fear.
Somehow release all the evil that "civilized" people have to keep locked
up, release it out into the open because after a while "civilization" drives
you mad.
Also, for those who weren't
inclined to hate other ethnicities and instead preferred to heap scorn
and rage onto the Western World, another hyperbolic and stupidly pointless
war would give those people something to protest against, a different kind
of group to hate. And with that hatred a very similar kind of focus
would creep into their lives as well. They could give blood, make
signs and march, hand out shoddy-looking pamphlets, and chant half-understood
and half-understandable slogans once again, drop E and get sprayed by fire
hoses. And once again it would be the stale made fresh.
But, as the day wore on,
and it looked as if no one would be getting a chance to do any of these
wonderful and exciting things, the viewing audience drooped. And
then they all picked up again when they were fed a different kind of fear.
And then they were all filled with a kind of existential dread:
"If it could happen there,
it could happen here. And there's no reason...."
But after a while everyone
got bored and went home.
Then, after the last person
left, and Bob was once again alone, someone came on tv and explained what
(in his opinion) had caused the massive power outage:
The day had been very hot
and too many people were running air conditioners. And all the air
conditioners had overloaded the power grid and then the had grid collapsed.
Then the expert went on
about how far too many people use air conditioners and how air conditioners
are just a luxury, and if we all got rid of our air conditioners the world
would be a better place.
And then Bob got mad.
He thought the following,
but not as coherently as is being related-- artistic license has
been taken:
"Go to hell, you brainless,
leftwing pig.
"No one ever says there
are too many furnaces.
"No one ever says that heating
your home is wasteful, or a symptom of rampant capitalist culture.
"No one says hot air is
wasteful. That's because they would have to admit that whenever they
open their mouths, they're being wasteful.
"People have air conditioners
because they want to be comfortable. What's wrong with that?
"And these days it's so
hot outside you need air conditioners.
"In France, people are dying
because there are no air conditioners.
"Being too hot is just as
horrible as being too cold.
"And, when you're too cold
you can always put on more clothes.
"When you're too hot you
can only take off so much, and then you're naked.
"And then if it's still
too hot, then you die.
"But here's this idiot,
some ex-hippy University type who probably works in a climate controlled
office, and he's dumping on air conditioners.
"Some little career socialist
actually saying that we shouldn't have air conditioners because people
in poor countries like Zimbabwe don't have air conditioners.
"That the air conditioner
in the home or office or car is just a symbol of overly conspicuous wealth.
Of capitalism gone awry. Of everything that's really and truly wrong
with The Western World.
"That we've all gotten soft,
and become too dependent on electricity, that people in poor countries
don't need or want air conditioning, that back when everybody lived in
small towns and used horses and gas lamps this kind of thing never happened.
"Never mind that small towns
naturally grew into cities because human beings multiply, and want more
companionship and safety-- and seek those in numbers and a desire to distance
themselves from nature."
(The next stuff didn't really
have much to do with air conditioners, but Bob thought about it anyway.)
"Never mind that the dust
in small towns was composed of horse and pig shit. And so small towns
were filthy and crawling with bacteria and disease.
"I don't want to live in
a world where I have to sweat to death and breathe in shit-dust.
"Shit-dust!
"The dust in towns and small
cities way back when was made of shit! Horse and pig shit!
"Mind you, all dust is biological.
Mostly.
"Even though the dust in
this house is probably all just dead skin, at least it isn't horse shit.
"Although dead skin is pretty
gross, too.
"And it's filled with little
bugs. Microsopic bugs. There's even little microsocpic bugs
in my eyebrows and on my eyes
"In our bed."
(A long pause while Bob
stared into space, numb. And then:)
"Never mind that small towns
offer little in the realm of technology and intellectual progress-- that
for people to advance, and then invent tv sets and news shows in order
to host know-it-all 'experts,' they must cluster together en masse to share
ideas."
(And then back to the air
conditioners.)
"And with big cities come
things like air conditioners.
"Maybe this asshole doesn't
like refrigeration, either? Maybe he likes his milk and meat warm
and spoiled?
"And besides, the reason
people in poor countries don't have air conditioners is that they're poor
and can't afford air conditioners, not that they don't want air conditioners.
Give them air conditioners and they'll love you forever. The rich
in those countries all have air conditioners.
"And, besides, it's not
a luxury, it's a necessity. Just like heat in the winter.
"Take away this asshole's
furnace and we'll see how long he lasts. For that matter, take away
his air conditioner, too.
"People just worship the
sun and the heat. It hasn't dawned on them yet that the sun and the
heat kill, now.
"Even my dad.
"He used to think air conditioners
were a luxury. Until he almost died of heat stroke one summer.
"He was mowing the lawn
like he always does and got overheated. And then he came into the
house to cool down, and it was even hotter inside.
"He had to go to the mall
to cool off. And on the way to the mall he got even hotter.
Because the sun was merciless.
"By the time he got to the
mall, he was almost dead.
"And when he came back home,
it was even hotter.
"And that night, when the
sun went down, the air didn't cool.
"And the next day, it was
even hotter.
"That day he made an appointment
to get central air installed in the house.
"Maybe if more people start
dying of heat. Maybe if 25% of the population dropped dead of sunstroke
and heat prostration. And got cancer from being bombarded by rays.
Maybe then people would realize that the weather is our enemy, now.
All weather. And that it must be controlled.
"It's time for us to take
hold.
"It's time for us to assert
our control.
"Technology is the new,
it is what we make and it is what we are.
"To deny technology, and
its ability to shape the universe is to deny what we are. It is to
deny the new and wallow in the old.
"The old is old for a reason.
"It is old because it no
longer applies.
"And a world without air
conditioning is old!
"AND SO WE MUST EMBRACE
THE NEW AND REPLACE THE OLD!
"WE MUST EMBRACE THE TECHNOLOGICAL!
"MAYBE THE POWER GRID WENT
DOWN BECAUSE IT WAS A PIECE OF CRAP!
"MAYBE IT WENT DOWN BECAUSE
IT WAS UNABLE TO MEET THE DEMANDS OF A NORMAL DAY!
"MAYBE THE GRID SHOULD BE
IMPROVED TO MAKE ROOM FOR ALL THOSE AIR CONDITIONERS!
"THE GRID MUST BE IMPROVED,
TO MEET THE GROWING DEMANDS OF LIFE!
"LIFE CHANGES, POWER DRAINS
INCREASE!
"WE NEED MORE POWER!
MORE CITIES! BETTER COMPUTERS! SUPERIOUR MACHINES!
"WE NEED MORE AND MORE!
THAT'S NATURAL! THAT'S WHAT WE ARE!
"WE MUST GROW AND WE MUST
RISE! RISE ABOVE OUR STATIONS!
"AND TECHNOLOGY MUST RISE
TO MEET OUR DEMANDS!
"TECHNOLOGY MUST BECOME
BETTER THAN IT IS!
"AND WE MUST BECOME BETTER
THAN WE ARE!
"WE MUST CONTROL THE WORLD,
THE UNIVERSE, THE VERY AIR WE BREATHE!
"WE MUST COOL OUR AIR, THE
AIR WE BREATHE, THE AIR WE NEED!
"WE MUST BECOME MORE THAN
WE ARE!
"WE MUST BECOME LIKE GODS!
WE MUST BECOME GODS!
"IF WE DON'T WHO WILL?
"MORE POWER!
"MORE POWER!
"MORE POWER!"
And so on. And on
and on and on.
Actually, Bob continued
much in this vein until he became so angry he began shaking.
At that point, so Bob turned
off the tv. Then he walked over to the thermostat and turned up the
air conditioner.
He turned it to freezing.
And he willed the power
to go out, but it didn't go out.
If anyone complained about
the store being too cold, they could go to hell.
Everyone could go fuck themselves.
30.EPILOGUE.56: August 15, 2003.